Deep thoughts..

There are times in our life that we tend to ignore the small things around us. Unknowingly, this small things tends to build up and just burst in front of our face. When things like that happen, we are on the blindside and we have no idea how worst the situation is already is. We all try our best to resolve or at least identify the issue but like a wild fire, it's a little too late to extinguish it. A little too late, but still we can do something about it. We come up with all kinds of tactics and rationalization to solve or at least have an idea whats happening. Some say that Time heals everything.. in most cases it does.. but not to some. Sometimes time suppresses things or situation like a pressurized can thrown into a fire or put inside a microwave oven. Even though time already healed the wounds, the scars remains.  I guess we just need to take extra care to prevent the scar from being opened again.

It never occurred to me that I will be in a situation that I would give up or thinking of giving up. I used to be optimistic but there are times that I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. All I can see is darkness, slowly consuming me.. Clouding my thoughts and bringing my greatest fears into life. It's like running on a treadmill and there's no slow-down button or stop button. In other words, I would just stop functioning.

It may take some time for us to completely recover from this experiences. If were lucky, a day or two or worst, longer than that. The bottom line is we need to be strong and believe that everything will alright. Believing is the key.. Trust is the keyhole.. and love is the huge door..

A close friend of mine ask me to write something happy or funny. I will definitely write my happy thoughts soon.. Soon my friends.. very soon.. =)

Music

When I woke up yesterday (probably morning for my friends in the U.S.), I was a little irritated. It's that I remember my wife saying to me "Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed..". So, I tried to compose myself while checking for some email from my wife or friends. I opened the window and it was humid outside and I know I'm going to be miserable night.  I grabbed my phone and plugged the speakers and I was playing Jack Johnson while wondrin' what to do. Slowly, my mood began to lighten up and I just noticed that I was already singing along.  I guess that's what other people call getting your groove back.

Music affects majority of my mood, it will either help me or make me worst. So far listening to my favorite artist helps me relax and I bet that my wife would be enjoying the music of Jack Johnson and Ben Harper. I listen to all types and genre of music and I know how to appreciate a good music. For me, you can have the dvd and television just leave me the radio or my phone. I grew up in a family of musicians ( that's on my mom's side of the family) and the 80's music was my first and still favorite. I just wish that the musicians or bands nowadays would still make quality music like back in the 80's. Bands nowadays no longer have that spark and creativity of the 80's bands. I have some handful bands that I can consider buying their records and listening to it but other than that.. ummm... NO WAY!! I'd rather listen to a jackhammer or a roaring ferrari engine than to listen to their gut-tearing screams and ear busting music. If I could turn back the clock, I wouldn't hesitate going back to that wonderful, energetic and colorful era.. the 80's. I have nothing against other genre but I just found out that you can form a band as long as the members can scratch the living hell of a guitar and they can all scream.

Music speaks a billion language and if we just try to listen and understand it, we could learn a lot from it. Where have all the good bands go? Wherever they are now, they will always stay in my heart.. =

=)

Don't You Forget About Me - Simple Minds (1985) / Music Video

8 weeks..

Some people can wait ages for something important to happen. Me, I have to wait for for 8 weeks.. Yes... 8 more weeks before my son is born. I am happy, proud and thankful that God gave us one of His angels. I know that soon, very very very soon, I will be able to join my wife in the US and another chapter of my life begins.. as a Father.. as a Husband. I am not afraid nor worried because I know I made the right choice marrying the woman I love very much, Mrs. Heather Ann Silverio. 

Me and my wife always wanted a child and we don't care about the gender as long as it is healthy. I ask myself, Am I going to be a good father? I always look up my dad as my role model, but I will need to leave the negative sides of him. I will be a provider for my family, A good partner for my wife and a role model for our child. 

I guess as early as now, I got to start getting a little fit because I know we are going to have a very active, healthy and bright little Kapono on the way. My wife always tells me that they have a HUGE yard.. which will become our child's track-course/ play ground.. a lot of area to cover and with my body right now? Our son would be making fun of me because I will be huffing and puffing running after him. Me and my wife loves nature, specially the beach or water.. Although I don't know how to swim, I am pretty sure my son will be a good swimmer like his mom. Regarding languages, I will teach our son Tagalog which is my native language. I can't wait for him to talk TagLish.. hahaha!! He will be one smart, God-fearing and respectful kid. 

Everyday I pray for the lord to keep my wife, our son, her family and mine, our friends and relative to be safe and to receive countless blessings. In 8 weeks another chapter begins in my life.. And I am Happy about it.. =)

Friendship and Principle..

Friendship is one of the important thing in my life. It is such a big deal on what my friends think, say and share about me. Some of my friends tell me that I am a little over protective in a lot of ways. Of course, I can be a rabid beast when protecting my friends but I am gentle when hearing their problems and comforting them.

When a bad news is shared to me.. I tend to keep it to myself.. I will try to stay calm.. I will try to understand.. I will try everything and anything to convince myself it's just a bad joke that sooner or later I will forget all about it. Some things are just too hard to accept, specially when it involves what you believe in. Although there's nothing that you can do to make it go away or just let it pass, I can assure you that everything will change. Change is good.. I believe that people can change in a lot of  ways but for a single reason. Whatever that reason is, I don't care.. As long as I know that I can still be a friend that they can count on. Here comes the part where I have to weight and measure friendship and my principle.. If you are in my position, how would you handle it? I can't be happy and sad at same time for something that I don't agree with. I will stand on what I believe..

Honestly, I don't know how to handle certain situations which involves my friends and my principle. I don't know where to stand and whether I will need to bend my own rules to give way.. I can't just ignore it because I know for a fact that everything will never be the same again.. Did it come to a point in your life where you will need to sacrifice something? a lose-lose situation? I know I may look bad in writing this but I feel that it's happening right now.. Do I need to cut the ties I have with a friend or do I need to ignore what I believe in just to be a good friend? I am confused... Some people would just continue what they're doing and just accept that it just happened. .. Again, It happened.. for a reason..

Now, which is more important? Friendship or your own principle?

Sunday Mass

I am a Catholic by heart.. Raised by my family to become a good catholic and most of my actions are based on religion. I attended the Sunday mass inside the Manila City Jail (Yes, the chapel inside the jail since I am a volunteer there. =)) and I have noticed a big difference when it comes to their service. I hate to say this but SOME church-goers should be ashamed of their behavior inside the church. Of all the days that we can do our texting,  chit-chatting and showing off our Casual wear, why pick Sunday? Some people are guilty of this inside the church, Yes.. inside the church.. Instead of devoting their time praying and saying thanks for the everyday blessings, they wanted to talk about their dates, gadgets and the latest clothing inside their closet.

Prisoners and their family spend the whole hour worshiping and praying inside the chapel. No talking, no phones and no fancy clothes to wear (I forgot to mention that they all wear the same uniform, but if they have "special clothes" they are allowed to wear it on Sundays.). I can clearly hear what the priest is preaching and was able to concentrate on my prayers. Do we have to be prisoners in order for us to respect the house of the lord? Yes we do have choices and free will but are we really practicing it in a good way?

=)

Relationship...

I wanted to become a better person, a good father, a good partner, a better brother, a better uncle and a good friend. As I reflect tonight, there are many questions that have been racing inside my head. What would have happened if I didn't make the decision I've made in my life? Would I have been different? or would I've been worst? I am so lucky to meet the person who made me the person that I am. My wife opened my eyes about the truth and showed me that there's a world outside my room.

I have confined myself inside my room for such a long time that I seldom see my friends anymore and spend time with my family. There are times that I really wanted to go out and meet other people but I'm afraid of what would be their reaction/s when they see me. I really don't care on the way I look, but let's face it.. there's a slim chance of getting a date if you are not GOOD looking.. The days where you can be funny and witty on a date are over and now you have to be handsome and a little rich to have a date. It's a little sad but it's a reality. We are living in a time where everything changes rapidly and there's no room for errors. Relationship come and go and for some reason we are the one in charge of the outcome. We are the one who will write the book and the chapter of our life and no one can dictate that. I am proud to say that when I decided to settle down with my wife, I didn't have any regrets and I love her so much. Some people say that you cannot live in love alone but for me love should be the foundation of your relationship.People say that you need to look for your love.. I stopped looking because I have already found it.. and she's now my wife..

My early relationship with my wife was really something, in a good sense. We have a unique connection and I cannot believe that such woman really existed. She understands me and loves me for who I am and supports me in all my decisions. When we talk over the phone or via the internet ( Hah!! who said long distance relationship doesn't work?), we are in our own world. We share the stories of our life and reflect on them. She's one tough woman, the only woman who express what she want and openly say her opinion/s. I respect her and love her so much that I cannot live without her.

God loves us much that He gave us a very special gift... A SON.. We may not have all the riches in the world and the material things to satisfy our whims but as long as we have each other, I know it's already a blessing. I keep on telling other people, specially my friends, NEVER stop loving their partners. Relationship is like a two way street and if your partner keeps on going on detours, it have to stop.. it has to be repaired.. and worse comes to worst... close it.. No one can manage a relationship on their own without any help from their partners. It's impossible and it is not healthy, emotionally and physically. I am not saying that I have a perfect relationship but what I have is an IDEAL relationship. A kind of relationship which means, for me, I only belong to that person..

I love you Heather Ann Silverio and I am yours forever.. =)

Jack Johnson - Hope

Tattoo

Society now accepts tattoo as a fashion statement. Some wear it to look like a bad ass, some for fashion, some for hobby and some because of its meaning. I have several Tattoos in my body and some of them have a story to tell about me. It's kinda funny that people still consider tattoo as a Taboo, that only ex-cons have the right to wear them. There's a huge difference between prison tats and the tats we have but both art have the meaning and reason why it marked that persons body. 

I would like to share some of the tattoos I have, only those that has a very important meaning:

Dream Catcher on my left arm: I've always have nightmares when I was young so my Brother made me a little dream catcher and explained what it does. So when I grew up, I decided to have a tat of it so that I will always remember my brother and it's a sign that my nightmares comes to an end.

Wolf Paws on both my arms: This is a valentines gift for my wife. Some hubby gives flowers, chocolates or vacation. I  gave her an image that we both love, The Wolf.. One wolf looks a little fierce which represents me and the other one is more feminine with a blue eyes which represents my wife. When I am feeling sad or out of line, I just look at the blue-eyed wolf and it calms me down. 

Totem Pole on my right fore-arm: This represents my Strength, Wisdom and Knowledge. 

Bio-mechanical Tattoo on my right shoulder: This represent how I am attached to technology. I admit that I cannot leave or start working on something without my phone or MP3 player. 

Angel of Death on my back: This was a gift of my tattoo artist for my birthday almost 4 yrs ago. I chose the angel with a scythe to remind me that death always follows us everyday and it is just waiting for us to make that mistake.

I think I still have 12 more to describe but the 5 tats that I have described are my favorites. I am worried that when my baby boy grows up he will ask to have a tattoo.. I think I need to talk to my wife about it. 

My friends asked me the reason why.. Why what? what have a tattoo? It's a personal choice. It doesn't have anything to do with influence, fashion or trending. It is my personal choice. Some people are saying that I am vandalizing the house of my soul, which is my body. Well I have a simple answer for that.. I am not disrespecting it, I am just painting it. =).. 

That's it for now.. =)

Untitled poem....

"looking into your eyes leaves me in a dazed.. like looking into the stars that always keeps my amazed..

"Your smile always takes my breath away, i would like to hold you in my arms and there you will forever stay..

"You have a face of an angel that came from the sky, I always thank the lord for answering my prayers and forever you will be mine.

People

I am excited on what to write.. actually having mixed- emotions right now.. Undecided how should I begin or  what topic. I am happy that in my 31 yrs in this planet, I have met a lot of people. Different kinds of people everyday and I managed to learn a thing or two from them. It is amazing on how you can relate yourself to other people's emotion/s and sooner or later you'll find yourself entangled with their problem. There are people who will just use you for their advantage, for vengeance, for fun and for whatever damn reason they can think of. Other people who really needs help will just be shoved to the side because you are already confused of who really needs help or not.

I managed to stay on the side who wants to hear what people would have to say. Whether they are just going to make a fool out of me or they really want to share their problem. I have to listen.. I have to.. I need to.. I mean it's not because I am intrigue or curious, its because I am hoping I can help them. I think I have a Messiah Complex.. I need to save all that needs help in my own way. I am blessed that I have met friends who respects me as a person and values what I say to them. I call them my ANGELS.. They may not be the angels that you thought as described on books (actually they are the exact opposite hehehe) but they bring joy and happiness in my life. These 3 persons represents the majority of the people around us..

A. Saint - Patiently waiting for a shattered relationship to become whole again. Sacrificed a lot of things for the sake of love.

B. Loudmouth - Will say anything and everything that comes into their mind. Doesn't care if they hurt the other party's feeling.

C. Blind - Doesn't see anything but love. Does not listen at all.

They respect me and in return I respect them also. No matter what other people say about my angels, I don't give a damn. They are my friends and that what's important.

I guess this is how my first entry would be.. How about you? what kind of people have you met lately?